Finance

In the run up to publication of  Carers and Caring; the One Stop Guide; how to care for older relatives and friends I am sharing an A to Z of some practical solutions learned from research and experience. If any problems have been missed you can tell me, and I’ll make sure they are covered in the next edition and online on my website at www.juneandrews.net. 

Finance

It is well known from research and experience that carers suffer financial hardship because of their caring work, and some of the solutions that are presented to the other practical problems in this A to Z series do require money. Look at Chapter Three of Carers and Caring to see if there are any ways of accessing the resources you need to implement the practical solutions that will make your life as a carer easier. The websites listed there with benefits calculators should help you work out what you are entitled to, and some of the charities listed in Useful Contacts and Resources will be able to assist you in making the application. Be realistic about how much caring is costing you.

My sister visits Dad, who is twenty miles away, two or three times a week by car. She brings him some food from her home, and sometimes brings washing away with her to do for next time. When I ask her, she says she doesn’t need any recompense and Dad doesn’t need to claim any allowances. (Eleanor)

If Eleanor’s sister was a business, she’d be claiming 45p per mile from the taxman for her journeys. She might not notice the cost of the food she is bringing, but it is hard to make a meal for someone for less than £3. A service wash costs easily £15. If you add it up, that’s getting close to £100 per week without counting her time. She needs to think about how much all this is costing her.

Money can be at the root of conflict between sibling carers. Having an open adult conversation about it is not always easy.

We hate each other and we have always done, so why would we have a collaborative conversation now about the cost of looking after our mother? (Dolores, talking about her brother Keith.)

Dolores was providing most of the care for their mother in the last three years of her life. Keith had little to do with either of them until the last few months. When their mother died, her will split everything she had equally between her two children. Dolores felt cheated, because Keith got the same as her and she had spent a fortune. She knew her mother intended to treat them equally and asked Keith if he would repay her some of that expense from his half of the legacy. They just fell out and never spoke to each other again. Dolores is sorry that she did not support her mother to claim allowances she was entitled to such as Attendance Allowance, and Carers Allowance because, in effect, she ended up preserving her brother’s legacy and subsidising every other taxpayer in the land. The family dynamics can be crushing and the bitterness lasting. Avoid this in your own future with early and deep intergenerational conversations and kindness.

There is much more about finance in  Carers and Caring: The One-Stop Guide: How to care for older relatives and friends - with tips for managing finances and accessing the right support  available from all good bookshops in May 2022

Three hints:

1.     Register as a carer

2.     Seriously think about how much this is costing and talk to your family

3.     Get information about what you and the person you care for are entitled to