People are more aware of dementia these days and sympathetic.  But what can you do to help someone if you think they have dementia? 

It’s hard for friends or neighbours because you are not part of the family. You might not know much about it yourself and the whole idea is terrifying. You want to help but you are afraid of being inappropriate and you just don’t know what would make a difference.

Based on what people with dementia and their family caregivers have told me, there are simple ways that you can help. The person with dementia is often aware that you may feel awkward about talking to them.  Believe me, they have more to worry about than you, and it is kind to say a few words in passing.  If they are with someone, always include them both in the conversation by smiling and nodding and even touching their arm, even if they don’t respond as they used to. 

Sometimes people are surprised at the extent to which the person with dementia knows their own limitations.  Even when language starts to decrease, the person still reads non-verbal communication very well, so be aware of what you are conveying by your expression, even if you think the words are not getting through.

I’ve been told by people with dementia that often they prefer if you do not correct what they say.  Certainly, it is a bad idea to argue.  Even if the person is wrong, there is little to be gained by proving them wrong, except to embarrass them.  Change the subject and move on. 

I would encourage you to ask at some stage about whether the person with dementia wants to discuss their problems, such as memory loss, because they might often want to.  Ask them if they want you to remember words that they forget.  If they don’t, it is always really annoying to have someone finish your sentences for you, especially if they get it wrong!  Show that you understand the meaning and try not to worry about any muddled words. 

Most emphatically people with dementia say that they are disheartened when you avoid or ignore them.   Imagine what it is like if someone says to the person beside you, “Does she take sugar?” as if you are not there.  It is humiliating if you talk to the relative and not the person. 

It is not easy but the more you practice the easier it gets.  Find out more through Dementia the One Stop Guide.