Five ways to help a distressed person with dementia
Dementia isn’t only about memory. It changes a wide range of behaviour. Some changes cause more difficulties for family and friends than others.
All behaviour is communication, and the behaviour is sometimes an expression of distress because the person has an unmet need that you need to uncover and support. They might be bored or lonely, frightened, or tired, hungry, or needing to go to the bathroom.
Some of the key behaviours that carers find difficult to respond to include agitation, anxiety, aggression, pacing about, and repetition. When the person is frightened or frustrated, they may misunderstand the attempts of carers to sooth them, and a frightened person is more likely to behave with aggression. It’s all caused by the pathology in the brain and learning how to make someone feel better is helped if you know the person well.
Here are five things you can do if the behaviour of someone you are caring shows that they are in distress, and you are trying to help them.
Find out as much as you can about the person, their likes, and dislikes. This can help you to work out what to do to help them to feel better.
Remember that if language is starting to fade, your own non-verbal communication can still be clearly read by the person. Try not to let them see your own anxiety, and at the same time try to read into how they are feeling by how they look.
Notice things in the environment that might be causing problems. It could be too hot or cold, or there might be unexplained or annoying noises. Unexpected lights or other disruptions can wake a person with dementia at night, that other people might sleep through. Once they are awake it is harder to get back to sleep.
Try to change as little as possible from day to day, so that the person falls into a routine that makes it easier for them to relax because unexpected things are kept to a minimum. Surprises might delight other people, but for a person with dementia, it is just another thing to cope with.
Take care of yourself. It is exhausting trying to provide support at a time like this and you will become tired. It is all very well if someone tells you it is best to be patient and not argue – sometimes that takes a superhuman effort and you need a break yourself.
