The Joy (and stress) of Christmas Traditions
December 7th already! How far have you got with your preparations? Are you one of those people who likes to get the Christmas tree up and decorated at the start of December? If someone in the house is affected by dementia it does no harm to start getting ready early. Getting the decorations up and organised slowly over several days is part of keeping things calm. If you have some traditional trimmings that have been part of your Christmas for a long time, you can get them out and use them as a start of the conversation. Bring back old memories as the person with dementia helps you to trim the tree or arrange the nativity figures on the usual shelf or corner. Put on the old songs and sing along together. That activity can bring great happiness if you have the energy for it. There are free online resources to help you.
Familiar traditions to keep calm
Why do these old familiar things help to keep the person calm and happy? It’s partly because the more recent memories are those that are lost first, and that would make anyone feel agitated and restless. It is hard to learn new things, so new information like who is coming to visit and when, and what is about to happen, is hard to take in. That can make a person feel angry, even paranoid. They may be thinking, “I’ve no idea what is going on around here and I don’t like it. No one is listening to me anymore.” They may feel apprehensive and distressed. In some cases people affected experience paranoia that is made worse by hallucinations.
Finding ways to allow traditional celebrations to continue
Here’s an example of a family finding a way of giving their mother some of the traditional pleasure that she had at this time of year, while shielding her from the irritation that their father would have expressed. They also found ways of keeping down his stress, by finding ways of supporting the needs of both the mother and father, which started to diverge after his diagnosis with dementia.
My mum wanted to avoid Christmas celebrations altogether, because the fuss made Dad so irritable and upset. She has always enjoyed Christmas, and she always did most of the work, making the gifts and food, and decorating the house. We found a way of distracting him and taking him out so that she could do the things she loved to do and had always done. That gave her so much pleasure. When the big day arrived, we kept things low key at their house, and then one of my cousins stayed in with Dad there, and Mum came over to ours and we had a riot, like we always do. We really did have a Merry Christmas.
Remember the carers at Christmas and make sure they can have the fun they really enjoy while keeping things calm for anyone who finds it hard to cope with change.
If you would like more information, you can buy my book Dementia, the One Stop Guide or Care Homes: When, Why and How to Choose a Care Home. I am available for consultancy for families or organisations. And if you have any further queries or questions, or suggestions for something you’d like to see me write on, please contact me via the Contact Page
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