Friends of People with Dementia at Christmas
How to be a good friend to someone with dementia this Christmas
Top tips for helping a person with dementia
Yesterdays blog was all about how to be a friend to a carer of someone affected by dementia.
What people with dementia would like you to do
The views of the carers were from an Alzheimer’s Disease International World Alzheimer’s Report in 2012. A decade on people with dementia and their carers would say the same things. Today’s focus is on the views expressed by the people with dementia themselves. If you are listening to them, that’s the best way of discovering what you can do to be a friend for the person living with dementia. What they said was….
I am aware that you are afraid to talk to me.
I would like to be included in conversations.
I would encourage you to ask me about whether I want to discuss memory loss, because I might often want to.
I know my own limitations.
I want you to ask me if I want you to help me remember words I forget.
I would often prefer you not to correct what I say but show me you understand the meaning.
I am disheartened when you avoid or ignore me.
I am humiliated when you talk to my relative and not to me.
I don’t want to be a burden, so I hold myself back from things I’d like to do with you.
I won’t be taking the initiative as much any more.
As a friend who wants to help, you can do no better than respond to what the carers and people with dementia say.
CONVERSATION is important; don’t be afraid to start it and don’t worry if it is slower than before.
INCLUDE the person with dementia in everything. Don’t assume a slow response means there will be no response.
ASK about things you might think are awkward; the person will soon let you know if you have overstepped the mark.
DON’T exclude the person from anything just because you imagine they won’t cope; they will tell you IF a time comes for that.
WORD FINDING can be slow, but it’s annoying to put words in someone’s mouth if they don’t want you to. ASK what they prefer.
MEANING in communication isn’t always verbal, and correcting someone’s speech can be rude. Remember the power of non-verbal communication - a smile, a squeeze of the arm.
INCLUDE the person; if you exclude them because YOU are embarrassed or uncomfortable it hurts.
TALK to the person, not the one who is accompanying them. “I’m still here!!”
ENCOURAGE the person to keep up with things you used to do together and be aware they may want to avoid causing trouble to others and thus exclude themselves from things they would love.
ALWAYS be prepared to take the initiative, because the effort to do that may be too great when a person is struggling.
If you would like more information, you can buy my book Dementia, the One Stop Guide or Care Homes: When, Why and How to Choose a Care Home. I am available for consultancy for families or organisations. And if you have any further queries or questions, or suggestions for something you’d like to see me write on, please contact me via the Contact Page
See my new course on Dementia the One Stop Guide on Policy Hub here
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